If I knew my life would end soon, what would be my perspective? I ask this question as guidance not for the future, but how to put my thoughts in perspective. Thinking exists in either the future, past or presence. When life is close to death, we have no future and don’t care about the past… we only care respect now. Now is truly as close as we can get to reality. Now is reality in that everything in our past and future is determined by it. This moment defines my future and past… not that those matter. The future is important to seek and the past important to learn from, but the moment of realization supersedes these in that only it is what matters and nothing else. I don’t mean do not think about the future, but in that clarity and true perspective only exist the unbiased presence. I could ask anyone what they would do if they knew that death was moments, hours, or days away. For me, it is not what I would do until my death, but more of what I would think in my final hours.
Life is not love, hatred, emotion, or random thoughts. Those are distractions from reality in that they carry us across multiple moments without realizing it. For example, Love is by all means a beautiful thing, but love in its truest’s sense is the realization of happiness over a period of time. Love cannot be grasped in seconds… yet we can feel a strong emotion in very few seconds. A ‘realizing’ person has perspective on that emotion and therefore can truly appreciate the seconds as they exist, materialize. Emotion really is not a complicated feeling... it is raw and manifested throughout seconds and minutes into more understood feelings such as love, hatred, jealousy, and so much more. In my moments of clarity, these emotions do not matter. Only the feeling, the reaction of the mind do I analyze when something is perceived at its most basic sense. From here I extract.
We believe life is so beautiful and death so sad. This fact really does not make sense but only from a human perspective. I have been trained to cry during births and deaths, but relatively from the opposite perspective. I don’t care about those things. Life and death come about in random, diminishing seconds. Somewhere in between do we have mid-life crisis, realizations of marriage, kids, responsibility (however relative that is), death of parents and so on. Why are these things so sensitive? My culture has guided me to respect these, but I have learned that not all cultures agree. What is ultimately the universal perspective on life and how does that fit into me as American raised?
It is hard to accept the parent’s and friend’s love of you when you feel you understand things differently. I tend to find the beauty of the reality regardless of the situation. I am not careless with my life in that I have no regard to the feelings of those that care about me. Some elders say this perspective changes as we age and have a family. I really don’t know until I have a family. I think about this often. What would I do in my Mom’s or Dad’s shoes? I hope they respect my understanding of life… yet will I agree with my children’s perspective and lifestyle? I doubt because I will never know their thoughts at any given time.
Let me tell you my thoughts! They will probably change as I grow, have family, more responsibilities, and perspective (Although I put myself third-person as best I can). Maybe!
There is a beautiful otherness to love, life, pain, death, and experience. It does not matter what our actions are as long as we seek this beautiful otherness. This idea of a beautiful otherness is not a distraction, but insight into clarity. Clarity is the most basic sense, realization. When we experience reality, nothing is more beautiful. We actualize ourselves. When life really boils down to the now, I do not worry about the future, death, pains and suffering. Reality is the ultimate appreciation of the moment. The future of death and past of birth are unlucky and fortunate, respectively. In realization, they do not matter because these ideas exist only in the thoughts that never realize. Seek clarity now, appreciate the moment, understand that life is not beyond your control, God, or luck, but that your presence, as it exists is beyond human interpretation of these things.
God, life, death, marriage, and more is a human attempt to understand what makes us seek happiness. It is very good for some, but not for me. My ‘God’ is inside me. My life and death never existed. Marriage is an invention of happiness, not reality. My human attempt to understand happiness will never be experienced through future or past emotions. Reality and clarity (therefore the sense of true happiness) exists only in the now. Nothing else will ever actualize and thus is only relative. Of course, I dream of happy marriage, children, travel, and job. I don’t hope that the future guides my thoughts, only my direction. I don’t hope that the past dwells in me. I do realize that the present offers me everything. I do not live in the present, only exist and realize in the present. Anything else is only a natural perspective.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The Sound of Music and Stained Paint
Drinking sometimes lowers my mental barrier from random thoughts to true mind/clarity. Combine this with music, which brings about emotion and therefore feelings, I can take a step back and for a brief moment grasp what music is offering beyond sound. Music's most simple generosity offers a feeling, a fabric of the mind… not just an emotion. Everything from our senses offers a fabric, fabric meaning something we feel with our minds, not our touch sense. Music is a memory machine, relaxation tool, and a doorway to a relationship of sound to emotion… emotion again being a combination of more fundamental feelings.
When I listen to music sometimes I am of course reminded of a past memory of emotion. As well, some music relaxes me very well without memories. Why does it seem we choose only the music that satisfies these two courses?
The avenue of music and drink offers two things for me: a relaxed thought and a relation to feeling my mind, my understanding. When listening to certain music yet focusing on something that reminds me of the music, I begin to briefly gain clarity of that something. I feel the relationship brought between the music and the past something and ask where does that relationship come from? If this is done often enough a tool is provided to understand more complex connections such as friendship, emotion, and even smell, taste, and sight.
I questioned whether alcohol is deceiving in this clarity, but one day felt the same understanding without. From then, I felt things the same way with or without alcohol. Listening to music since has never been the same.
Happy Birthday to Jordan… who apparently the drunken fireworks were set off for. Random actions under the influence provide entertainment as well as insight. Cheers to those who see entertainment and insight without influence.
When I listen to music sometimes I am of course reminded of a past memory of emotion. As well, some music relaxes me very well without memories. Why does it seem we choose only the music that satisfies these two courses?
The avenue of music and drink offers two things for me: a relaxed thought and a relation to feeling my mind, my understanding. When listening to certain music yet focusing on something that reminds me of the music, I begin to briefly gain clarity of that something. I feel the relationship brought between the music and the past something and ask where does that relationship come from? If this is done often enough a tool is provided to understand more complex connections such as friendship, emotion, and even smell, taste, and sight.
I questioned whether alcohol is deceiving in this clarity, but one day felt the same understanding without. From then, I felt things the same way with or without alcohol. Listening to music since has never been the same.
Happy Birthday to Jordan… who apparently the drunken fireworks were set off for. Random actions under the influence provide entertainment as well as insight. Cheers to those who see entertainment and insight without influence.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Happiness, the Root Emotion
I realize that material things don’t make me happy. I also don’t find happiness in teasing others, losing friendship, or even my addictions anymore. I’m somewhat a miserable addict… I guess I’m outgrowing these things. I find entertainment in TV, video games, smoking, alcohol, and the internet; but these are just mind-numbing experiences during which I don’t have to worry about anything else. I do find a grander happiness in travel, spending time with my family, being all inclusive with friends, research and hard work, and most of the time my thoughts. I’m very happy with my thoughts! I’m not always deep thinker, but I catch glimpses of deep insight at random times. When I am unhappy, I don’t accept that as part of my true self. I hope I’m not lying to myself about being depressed, anxious, or nervous. It’s not that I don’t accept these as possibilities, but because I realize these things are always temporary, they are not truly me. I relegate them as relapses, part of being engrained in society, or temporary realizations that life really is difficult but still always a beautiful thing. That’s why I don’t stay mad long at people, get too upset over failure and always tend to find beauty in the most difficult, frustrating situations.
When I was younger, I found it very easy to never rationalize anger or emotion. I think that although anger and negative emotions are part of being human, happiness is the base of our core and every other emotion is just a distraction from it. Love is a permanent happiness; anger is choosing to ignore happiness; sadness is a difficult emotion but a different way of viewing the opposite of happiness; relaxation is subliminal happiness, etc. etc. Happiness sometimes comes easily and other times we have to work very hard to find it. Finding happiness is a pejorative phrase when seeking happiness. Happiness is always there because it is a relative thing, but only when we’re distracted from true happiness.
Our souls are happy, curious little things. Little only because we don’t fully understand or appreciate what our soul has to offer us. I believe our soul is an infinite source of happiness… reality is an infinite source of unhappiness. Because we can’t balance these damn things without help, we find false happiness through addiction, artificial love, and the belief that the world is outside our control. Remember, it is much easier to go from anger to happiness than happiness to anger if we forget why we are ultimately here (meaning most of us are stuck in the present). Realizing the bigger, better things in life we say ‘puts things in perspective.’ This thought is funny because we never prospect anger, just usually happiness. We all want happiness in the long run, not anger. Then why in the short run is anger easier to come by than happiness? In writing this, I generalize in that anger is the opposite of happiness and vice versa, but I really mean any negative emotion versus positive emotion.
When I was younger, I found it very easy to never rationalize anger or emotion. I think that although anger and negative emotions are part of being human, happiness is the base of our core and every other emotion is just a distraction from it. Love is a permanent happiness; anger is choosing to ignore happiness; sadness is a difficult emotion but a different way of viewing the opposite of happiness; relaxation is subliminal happiness, etc. etc. Happiness sometimes comes easily and other times we have to work very hard to find it. Finding happiness is a pejorative phrase when seeking happiness. Happiness is always there because it is a relative thing, but only when we’re distracted from true happiness.
Our souls are happy, curious little things. Little only because we don’t fully understand or appreciate what our soul has to offer us. I believe our soul is an infinite source of happiness… reality is an infinite source of unhappiness. Because we can’t balance these damn things without help, we find false happiness through addiction, artificial love, and the belief that the world is outside our control. Remember, it is much easier to go from anger to happiness than happiness to anger if we forget why we are ultimately here (meaning most of us are stuck in the present). Realizing the bigger, better things in life we say ‘puts things in perspective.’ This thought is funny because we never prospect anger, just usually happiness. We all want happiness in the long run, not anger. Then why in the short run is anger easier to come by than happiness? In writing this, I generalize in that anger is the opposite of happiness and vice versa, but I really mean any negative emotion versus positive emotion.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
A Bitch by Any Other Means
Although 'bitch' is like any other movement of the vocal chords deemed horrific, we never apply it to its most basic meaning, the female dog. What about the male dog? Let's see... we call them a-holes, scrubs, mitch, and pussy-whipped. All is fair in submitting to the opposite race. But what about the self determined bitch?
Upon observation and deep thought, I've come to terms with the modern bitch, by definition of course:
A bitch is defined by association not universalism... Actions over thought. Generality over reality. And finally, redundance over precedence. Assholes and bitches seem to gain their power throughout experience, especially through clicks, cliches, college, and the dicks that keep screwing them over until they have no choice except to accept the drunken reality that life will and perhaps rarely change. It's like the high school jock-strap, stuck 'in the season' for the rest of their lives. Heaven forbid we ever evolve into a member of productive society!
To be honest, I've never dated a bitch, as hopefully I'm not viewed as an asshole. Being either is the product of a game invented by modern animals. To date, I have experienced the artform of bitchyness outside of television and drunken frat parties, a cultural spectacle that is sometimes explained by nature, nurture, and intoxication . There are few words in this language that can act as a noun, verb, and adjective. Most importantly, why are women deemed as bitches and guys as assholes? I mean were not all dogs or the last thing shit comes out of...
But I guarantee some of us have nothing better to act or be.
"To be drunken, a bitch, and abide by fightin words... thy trinity"
-1588- Average drunk fuck, fightin' whore
Last words... why are we usually attracted to bitches and assholes worldwide? I bet it's insecurity, lack of alturism, cultural laziness, and especially the inate nature to focus on any given minute of time the gratification of knowing that I'm better than anyone else.
Sincerely,
The sarcastic assfuck who hopes to screw over all of the ass-bitches who Moms and Dads didn't raise them to be socially independent or appreciate life beyond inaptitude and sincere attraction.
Upon observation and deep thought, I've come to terms with the modern bitch, by definition of course:
A bitch is defined by association not universalism... Actions over thought. Generality over reality. And finally, redundance over precedence. Assholes and bitches seem to gain their power throughout experience, especially through clicks, cliches, college, and the dicks that keep screwing them over until they have no choice except to accept the drunken reality that life will and perhaps rarely change. It's like the high school jock-strap, stuck 'in the season' for the rest of their lives. Heaven forbid we ever evolve into a member of productive society!
To be honest, I've never dated a bitch, as hopefully I'm not viewed as an asshole. Being either is the product of a game invented by modern animals. To date, I have experienced the artform of bitchyness outside of television and drunken frat parties, a cultural spectacle that is sometimes explained by nature, nurture, and intoxication . There are few words in this language that can act as a noun, verb, and adjective. Most importantly, why are women deemed as bitches and guys as assholes? I mean were not all dogs or the last thing shit comes out of...
But I guarantee some of us have nothing better to act or be.
"To be drunken, a bitch, and abide by fightin words... thy trinity"
-1588- Average drunk fuck, fightin' whore
Last words... why are we usually attracted to bitches and assholes worldwide? I bet it's insecurity, lack of alturism, cultural laziness, and especially the inate nature to focus on any given minute of time the gratification of knowing that I'm better than anyone else.
Sincerely,
The sarcastic assfuck who hopes to screw over all of the ass-bitches who Moms and Dads didn't raise them to be socially independent or appreciate life beyond inaptitude and sincere attraction.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Fuck Etymology
Did you know that smirk and smile come from the same root? Green and grow, horse from current and to run, god from that is which invoked, shoe from cover, nigger from brown, profanity from things outside the church, and shit... the most debated of origin and meaning. Perhaps the most offensive word is no longer fuck, but Cunt. Cunt is derived from PIE, the oldest of our ancestor languages and means hollow place, queen, to cut, to hide. I know it's very offensive, but what about it makes it so wrong in polite company? I notice that the more offensive the curse word, the easier it rolls off the tongue in a gasping, forceful way. But why is bitch, which is ok for TV but shit, the most common thing we all do besides breathe and eat not ok? Definetly, by far, cuss words define society, culture, and the opposite.
An interesting observation comes when looking at different cultures and how many different words are used for the same meaning. Think of the word money. How many synonyms for money can you come up with? The thesaurus is by definition culture: i.e. cash, currency, change, wealth, capital, funds, riches, mullah, dough, bread, bucks, chips, coins, gravy, jack, greenback, hard cash, legal tender, loot, pay, riches, roll , treasure, specie, wad, wage, cold cash, buckaroos, benjamins, big ones, smackers, clams, cha ching, booty, loot, cheese, chedda, lettuce, and other green condiments. Don't even get me started on booz and the boggie woggie. Mandarin, Hebrew, Arabic, Swahili, Tagalog and much more dedicate many meanings to what is considered most common in the respective culture. How many different derivatives of sex can you come up with? What is important for the American culture? Extremely related, what does it say for Suomi and Welsh, Mandarin, Japanese or even Latin, who at the elementary level have no direct translation to Yes or No? This aspect is complicated but I digest.
Back to profanity, cunt is mentioned by the potty mouth Shakespeare in Hamlet, nigga is slang among blacks, and wop stands for wood oven pizza. Profanity boils down to tabooness amongst the listeners. There are racial slurs, blasphemy (gadzooks), fag slang, and words we don't say around our parents (which is an anomaly that in many cultures it is less profane for an adult to curse than it is for a child, who may be reprimanded for cursing). Most basic curse words boil down to something stupid... bitch, fuck, shit, damn, pussy. And what other cultures consider very offensive, we don't. Understand bravo charlie or golf delta? Don't forget the severity of curse words either; crapola versus shit, bitch versus beotch, that blows versus that sucks. I mean is arsehole really that offensive to you and me? Apparently it is to our blokes across the lake from which our language comes from. Better yet, would you even understand the American Sign Language curse of 'Go Fuck Yourself?' Well that's a bad example.
I may never understand the full power of curse words, but I'm glad we have something to express emotion with!
Sincerely,
Motherfucker (Incest in its most literal terms)
"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits, annnnnndddd, Fart, Turd, Twat" - George Carlin
Shakespeare's Topics: A fair helping of sex, violence, crime, horror, politics, religion, anti-authoritarianism, anti-semitism, racism, xenophobia, sexism, jealousy, profanity, satire, and controversy of all kinds.
http://www.socyberty.com/Education/Evolution-of-Profanity--How-Swear-Words-Came-to-be-.17433
Music: Zero 7, Waiting Line
An interesting observation comes when looking at different cultures and how many different words are used for the same meaning. Think of the word money. How many synonyms for money can you come up with? The thesaurus is by definition culture: i.e. cash, currency, change, wealth, capital, funds, riches, mullah, dough, bread, bucks, chips, coins, gravy, jack, greenback, hard cash, legal tender, loot, pay, riches, roll , treasure, specie, wad, wage, cold cash, buckaroos, benjamins, big ones, smackers, clams, cha ching, booty, loot, cheese, chedda, lettuce, and other green condiments. Don't even get me started on booz and the boggie woggie. Mandarin, Hebrew, Arabic, Swahili, Tagalog and much more dedicate many meanings to what is considered most common in the respective culture. How many different derivatives of sex can you come up with? What is important for the American culture? Extremely related, what does it say for Suomi and Welsh, Mandarin, Japanese or even Latin, who at the elementary level have no direct translation to Yes or No? This aspect is complicated but I digest.
Back to profanity, cunt is mentioned by the potty mouth Shakespeare in Hamlet, nigga is slang among blacks, and wop stands for wood oven pizza. Profanity boils down to tabooness amongst the listeners. There are racial slurs, blasphemy (gadzooks), fag slang, and words we don't say around our parents (which is an anomaly that in many cultures it is less profane for an adult to curse than it is for a child, who may be reprimanded for cursing). Most basic curse words boil down to something stupid... bitch, fuck, shit, damn, pussy. And what other cultures consider very offensive, we don't. Understand bravo charlie or golf delta? Don't forget the severity of curse words either; crapola versus shit, bitch versus beotch, that blows versus that sucks. I mean is arsehole really that offensive to you and me? Apparently it is to our blokes across the lake from which our language comes from. Better yet, would you even understand the American Sign Language curse of 'Go Fuck Yourself?' Well that's a bad example.
I may never understand the full power of curse words, but I'm glad we have something to express emotion with!
Sincerely,
Motherfucker (Incest in its most literal terms)
"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits, annnnnndddd, Fart, Turd, Twat" - George Carlin
Shakespeare's Topics: A fair helping of sex, violence, crime, horror, politics, religion, anti-authoritarianism, anti-semitism, racism, xenophobia, sexism, jealousy, profanity, satire, and controversy of all kinds.
http://www.socyberty.com/Education/Evolution-of-Profanity--How-Swear-Words-Came-to-be-.17433
Music: Zero 7, Waiting Line
Friday, April 10, 2009
Addiction, the Demanding Friend
Addiction is always a losing battle… it is so self-defeating. It is SO easy to come up with excuses, excuses that are everywhere and excuses that can beat any level logic. It seems obvious to me that overcoming any addiction does not depend on how smart you are, how intellectual you are, or even how good your logic is. So how does someone with these characteristics beat strong addictions? I’m not sure. They say it is how strong your will power is. Some people quit out of fear while others choose to suffer because they enjoy the addiction too much even though they fully are aware of its dangers. I’ve learned that addiction is not a cycle; it’s something that a person has to struggle with their whole entire lives… talk about another self defeating process. Is addiction something we are born wired with and if so, what addictions do we find most easily? Remember, addiction is not just too us bad things like drugs and alcohol, but also includes anything that can be abused: gambling, food, sex, groups, music, TV, nicotine, internet, masturbation, money, power, shopping, physical attractiveness, spiritual obsession, and so much more. Some kill us quicker and others are illegal but all distract us from the good things that we are very capable of.
Where in evolution or where in God’s plan does addiction fit into? What are we supposed to be addicted to that is good for us? Is there a good addiction?? Is it better to have had an addiction and control it than never had one at all? Why if we abstain from addiction it is so easy for us to pick up right where we left off instead of starting over again?
We ALL heart some addiction. Is it our flaw or our appreciation; it's difficult? It comes down to our personalities, yet we somehow all survive with them. Identify our addictions and become familiar with them. AA agrees that we are powerless. Addictifiniction is that at some point we rely, we get high, we are vulnerable to our biggest weaknesses. It's animal like, built in, but somehow more evolved. I won't continue until the future...
What is addiction? Powerlessness, denial, reliability, evolution, fun, miscommunication, or plain ol' mischievousness?
See: Stranglers. 'Golden Brown,' and Unified Theory. 'California.' "Man, this ain't easy."
Where in evolution or where in God’s plan does addiction fit into? What are we supposed to be addicted to that is good for us? Is there a good addiction?? Is it better to have had an addiction and control it than never had one at all? Why if we abstain from addiction it is so easy for us to pick up right where we left off instead of starting over again?
We ALL heart some addiction. Is it our flaw or our appreciation; it's difficult? It comes down to our personalities, yet we somehow all survive with them. Identify our addictions and become familiar with them. AA agrees that we are powerless. Addictifiniction is that at some point we rely, we get high, we are vulnerable to our biggest weaknesses. It's animal like, built in, but somehow more evolved. I won't continue until the future...
What is addiction? Powerlessness, denial, reliability, evolution, fun, miscommunication, or plain ol' mischievousness?
See: Stranglers. 'Golden Brown,' and Unified Theory. 'California.' "Man, this ain't easy."
What's for Desert?
Edward Donald Slovik... poor guy. Although over 21,000 soldiers were given varying sentences for desertion during World War II, including 49 death sentences, Slovik's was the only death sentence carried out.
The young man did not want to face the brutality of the front line rifle company. Although I don't think he actually went AWOL, he apperently wrote a few notes stating that he would. Long story short the Supreme Allied commander, General Dwight D. Eisenhower, confirmed the execution order and Slovik was before a firing squad just a few months before the end of the War.
Frank Sinatra wanted to produce a movie about the guy, but was branded a Communist sympathizer. The Kennedys also discouraged the mov since Sinatra campaigned for them. However, a few books about the subject were written and a Martin Sheen film eventually came out of it. Eddie was not much older than me...
Btw, I met a woman today who is allergic to wine and roses................. how romantic!
The young man did not want to face the brutality of the front line rifle company. Although I don't think he actually went AWOL, he apperently wrote a few notes stating that he would. Long story short the Supreme Allied commander, General Dwight D. Eisenhower, confirmed the execution order and Slovik was before a firing squad just a few months before the end of the War.
Frank Sinatra wanted to produce a movie about the guy, but was branded a Communist sympathizer. The Kennedys also discouraged the mov since Sinatra campaigned for them. However, a few books about the subject were written and a Martin Sheen film eventually came out of it. Eddie was not much older than me...
Btw, I met a woman today who is allergic to wine and roses................. how romantic!
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